When Someone Says 'Just Get Over It'—What They’re Really Saying
I remember the first time being told to "just get over it" made me really angry. I had returned to work in Geneva after spending a year in Jordan working on the Syria crisis. I was completely burnt out, displaying all the signs without recognizing them. A colleague, well-intentioned but utterly oblivious, leaned over and said, "Maybe you need to toughen up. Just get over it."
It was like being smacked in the face with a wet fish. First of all, just getting over it wasn’t an option—I was running on fumes. Second, if I could simply "get over it," don’t you think I would have? The phrase made me feel like my struggles weren’t valid, that the exhaustion and emotional weight I carried were just minor inconveniences rather than the crushing burdens they were.
Years later, after facing burn-out, a clinical depression diagnosis, and a chronic illness that changed my entire professional life, I’ve learned something: telling someone to "just get over it" is one of the most unhelpful, dismissive things you can say.
"Just Get Over It" Dismisses Real Struggles – The phrase invalidates experiences of burnout, mental health challenges, chronic illness, and neurodivergence, reinforcing toxic positivity.
You Don’t Get Over It—You Get Through It – Emotional resilience isn’t about ignoring pain but working through it with support, understanding, and meaningful conversations.
Uncomfortable Conversations Create Healthy Relationships – Instead of shutting people down, listening and acknowledging their struggles foster deeper connections and real healing.
Why Do People Say 'Just Get Over It'?
Let’s be honest: when someone says "just get over it," they’re not really offering advice. They’re waving a giant flag that says, I’m uncomfortable with your emotions and I’d like them to go away now, please.
Society is built on this idea of resilience, which often gets mistaken for emotional suppression. We’re conditioned to sweep emotions under the rug and pretend like things don’t bother us. Especially when it comes to topics like mental health, chronic illness, trauma, and neurodivergence , people throw out "just get over it" like confetti at a parade.
But here’s the kicker: you don’t just get over it. You get through it. And that’s a very different thing.
Getting Over It vs. Getting Through It
People love the idea of a magical emotional reset button. Unfortunately, life is not an Etch A Sketch.
When you have a chronic illness, you don’t "just get over it"—you learn how to manage it. When you struggle with mental health, you don’t "just move on"—you find ways to cope, heal, and build support systems.
The idea that someone should "just get over" their experiences ignores the reality that some struggles are lifelong. It also places the entire burden on the person suffering, as if their pain is a choice rather than a circumstance. And that’s where it gets harmful.
Why 'Just Get Over It' Is Harmful
- It Dismisses Real Pain When someone tells you to "get over it," they’re essentially saying that your experience isn’t worth acknowledging. This can be especially damaging for people struggling with invisible disabilities, PTSD, or depression.
- It Shames Vulnerability Vulnerability is already hard enough in a world that rewards emotional repression. Responding to someone’s pain with "get over it" teaches them that opening up is a mistake.
- It Fails to Offer Support Instead of providing comfort, it isolates people. Imagine someone drowning and instead of throwing them a life raft, you just yell, "Swim better!"
- It Perpetuates Toxic Positivity The world loves a "good vibes only" mentality, but life is messy. Forcing positivity on someone struggling with real issues isn’t uplifting—it’s gaslighting.
A Better Alternative: Just Listen
So what do you say instead? Here’s a radical idea: nothing. Just listen.
Sometimes, people don’t need solutions. They don’t need "tough love." They just need someone to sit with them in their feelings without trying to rush them out of it.
If you must say something, try:
"That sounds really hard. Do you want to talk about it?"
"I’m here for you."
"Is there anything I can do to help?"
These simple phrases acknowledge someone’s struggle without minimizing it. They offer support instead of shutting down the conversation.
Uncomfortable Conversations Create Healthy Relationships
Talking about pain, mental health, and trauma isn’t easy, but uncomfortable conversations create healthy relationships. When we take the time to listen instead of dismiss, we foster connection rather than isolation. Real emotional resilience isn’t about ignoring pain—it’s about acknowledging and working through it together.
We’re Not Supposed to Be Over Everything
Some things, we don’t need to "just get over."
I’m not over the way mental health is stigmatized. I’m not over the fact that people with chronic illness have to fight to be believed. I’m not over the unrealistic standards society places on emotional resilience. I’m not over how the acronym DEI has become an insult. I am not over racism or ableism.
And I don’t want to be.
Because not "just getting over it" means we’re still questioning, still challenging, still advocating for something better.
So next time someone tells you to "just get over it," you can smile and say, "I’ll pass. But thanks for your unsolicited advice." And then go on doing the hard, necessary work of getting through it instead.
Brendan McDonald
Brendan McDonald is a former humanitarian aid worker turned mental health advocate. After experiencing burnout and battling chronic illness, he now writes about resilience, emotional well-being, and the power of uncomfortable conversations.
Caption:
"Breaking the stigma: A powerful image of resistance against the phrase 'Just Get Over It'." Credit: Image generated by DALL·E, edited for realism.
