Living 24 Years as an Undiagnosed Autistic Woman

For most of my life, I felt like I was watching the world from behind a glass wall —close enough to observe, but never quite a part of it. I learned to mimic social behaviors, copying how others laughed, made eye contact, and responded in conversations. But deep down, I felt different, like I was playing a role that everyone else naturally understood. I had no idea I was autistic.

Many women, including myself, go undiagnosed for years because autism presents differently in women than in men. Growing up, I constantly wondered why social interactions felt exhausting, why I struggled with changes in routine, and why I seemed to experience the world in a way that no one else did. It wasn’t until my mid-twenties that I began to piece together the truth. Looking back, I now recognize the key signs of autism that I missed:

• I copied social behaviors from others, mimicking conversations and facial expressions to fit in.
• I felt drained after social interactions but didn’t understand why.
• People called me "quiet," "shy," or "reserved," when in reality, I was constantly analyzing social cues.

• Bright lights, loud noises, and crowded spaces overwhelmed me, but I assumed everyone felt this way.

• Certain fabrics and clothing textures felt unbearable, but I dismissed it as being "picky."

• I had an intense aversion to specific sounds (like chewing or fluorescent lights buzzing).

• I could talk about my special interests for hours , but when conversations shifted to small talk, I struggled.
• I hyper-focused on topics that fascinated me, often losing track of time.
• I was called "obsessive," but to me, these interests were a source of deep joy.

• I avoided direct eye contact because it felt too intense.
• I scripted conversations in my head before speaking.
• I often misunderstood sarcasm, jokes, and indirect communication.

• My emotions felt too big for my body —I experienced extreme highs and deep lows.

• Sudden changes to plans triggered anxiety and distress .

• I had frequent meltdowns or shutdowns but didn’t know how to explain them.

Autism is diagnosed three to four times more often in boys than in girls , even though both are assessed using the same diagnostic criteria. However, many experts believe this disparity does not necessarily reflect the true prevalence of autism in females. Instead, a combination of biological and societal factors may be at play.

Some researchers suggest that a genetic protective effect could make autism less common in females. Others argue that historical biases in diagnostic criteria —which were developed primarily through studies of boys—have led to a significant underdiagnosis of girls. Additionally, cultural expectations assume that girls are naturally more social, which can make their struggles less noticeable.

A major reason autistic girls go undiagnosed is masking —the act of camouflaging neurodivergent traits by mimicking neurotypical behaviors. Research suggests that females are often more adept at masking their autistic traits , making it difficult for professionals and even family members to recognize the signs. This ability to adapt can lead to delayed diagnosis, misdiagnosis, and misunderstandings about their experiences.

For a more detailed explanation of why autism in girls and women is underdiagnosed, check out Karen Saporito Ph.D.'s article, Why Autism Has Been Underdiagnosed in Girls and Women

One of the main reasons women remain undiagnosed is that their autism was not recognized in childhood. Many autistic girls go unnoticed due to societal expectations, outdated diagnostic criteria, and their ability to mask autistic traits . As a result, these women often reach adulthood without understanding why they struggle with certain aspects of life.

Doctors have historically based autism criteria on male-centered presentations , making it harder for women to receive an accurate diagnosis. Furthermore, many co-occurring conditions , such as anxiety, OCD, or ADHD , can obscure underlying autistic traits, leading to misdiagnoses or a lack of recognition altogether.

Masking continues to play a crucial role in delayed autism diagnoses for women . Autistic women often unconsciously camouflage their neurodivergent traits to fit into social norms, which may help them navigate social interactions but also contributes to exhaustion, burnout, and emotional distress. This cycle makes it even harder for them to recognize their autistic identity and seek a diagnosis.

Receiving my autism diagnosis was both validating and life-changing . It helped me:

• Understand why socializing felt exhausting .

• Recognize my sensory sensitivities and set boundaries.

• Accept that I wasn’t "broken"—I was just wired differently .

If you relate to my story, you may find it helpful to explore further. Here are some next steps:

1. Read more about autism in women – Start with  this article on key signs  .

2. Take an online autism screening test – While not a diagnosis, it can be a helpful starting point.

3. Consider seeking a professional evaluation – Find a specialist who understands female autism presentations.

For those navigating this journey, you are not alone. If this resonates with you, check out our  Neurodivergent Apparel Collection  to express your identity with pride.