What not to say to someone with anxiety
What not to say to someone with anxiety: a guide to empathy and support
What not to say to someone with anxiety: Anxiety is a common mental health condition that affects millions of people worldwide. Despite its prevalence, it remains widely misunderstood, often leading to unintentional harm through words meant to comfort. Whether it's a close friend, a family member, or a colleague, knowing how to communicate effectively with someone experiencing anxiety is crucial in fostering understanding and support. This guide delves into what not to say to someone with anxiety and offers alternatives that can help you be a better ally.
The importance of thoughtful communication when talking to someone with anxiety
Communication is a powerful tool, especially when dealing with sensitive issues like anxiety. The words we choose can either alleviate or exacerbate someone’s emotional distress. It’s essential to approach conversations with empathy, mindfulness, and a genuine intent to support rather than dismiss or diminish their experience. Here's what to avoid saying—and what you can say instead.
1. "Just Relax."
Why It’s Harmful:
Telling someone with anxiety to "just relax" is akin to asking someone with a broken leg to "just walk it off." Anxiety is not a simple emotion that can be switched off at will; it’s a complex mental health condition that often requires time, patience, and sometimes professional help to manage.
What to Say Instead:
"I'm here for you."
This phrase shows that you acknowledge their feelings and are willing to support them through their anxiety, without pressuring them to change their emotional state instantly.
2. "Calm Down."
Why It’s Harmful:
This phrase implies that the person’s anxiety is an overreaction or something they can control easily, which is rarely the case. It can make them feel as though their feelings are invalid or irrational, increasing their frustration and anxiety.
What to Say Instead:
"Take your time."
By encouraging them to take things at their own pace, you’re validating their experience and giving them the space they need to manage their emotions without feeling rushed or judged.
3. "Don’t Worry About It."
Why It’s Harmful:
If overcoming anxiety were as simple as not worrying, those with anxiety would already be doing it. This phrase diminishes the person's concerns, making them feel as though their anxiety is trivial or unfounded.
What to Say Instead:
"I care about how you feel."
This response shows empathy and respect for their emotions, letting them know that you take their feelings seriously and are there to listen.
4. "It’s All in Your Head."
Why It’s Harmful:
Anxiety often manifests both mentally and physically, and dismissing it as something that’s only "in the head" can invalidate the real and distressing symptoms they may be experiencing.
What to Say Instead:
"Anxiety can be really tough." This statement acknowledges the challenge of dealing with anxiety and demonstrates empathy, making the person feel understood rather than dismissed.
5. "You’re Overreacting."
Why It’s Harmful:
Telling someone with anxiety that they’re overreacting can be deeply invalidating. It suggests that their feelings are excessive or unwarranted, which can worsen their anxiety by making them feel misunderstood.
What to Say Instead:
"It’s okay to feel this way."
This alternative normalizes their emotions and provides reassurance, helping to alleviate some of their distress by showing that their feelings are valid and accepted.
6. "It’s Not a Big Deal."
Why It’s Harmful:
Downplaying the person’s anxiety can make them feel like their feelings are insignificant or exaggerated. It can lead to feelings of shame and increase their anxiety because they may start to doubt their own emotions.
What to Say Instead:
"I understand this is important to you."
This response respects their feelings and shows empathy, indicating that you value what matters to them, regardless of whether you share the same perspective.
7. "You’re Being Too Sensitive."
Why It’s Harmful:
This phrase can be particularly damaging as it not only dismisses their anxiety but also criticizes their emotional response, suggesting that their feelings are somehow wrong or inappropriate.
What to Say Instead:
"Your feelings make sense."
By validating their emotions, you’re reinforcing that their reactions are understandable and that it’s okay to feel the way they do.
8. "It’ll Be Fine, Don’t Worry."
Why It’s Harmful:
While this phrase might be intended as reassurance, it can inadvertently trivialize their concerns. It assumes that the person’s anxiety is unnecessary, which can make them feel isolated and misunderstood.
What to Say Instead:
"We’ll work through this together." This approach offers a sense of partnership and support, showing that you’re committed to helping them navigate their anxiety and that they don’t have to face it alone.
9. "You Should Let Me Handle It."
Why It’s Harmful:
This phrase can undermine the person’s autonomy and make them feel incapable of managing their own situation. It can also increase their anxiety by making them feel even less in control.
What to Say Instead:
"How can I best support you right now?"
This question respects their autonomy and allows them to guide the conversation on their terms, providing the support they need without taking away their sense of control.
10. "I Know What’s Best for You."
Why It’s Harmful:
Assuming that you know what’s best for someone with anxiety can come across as controlling and dismissive. It disregards their ability to make decisions about their own mental health, which can exacerbate their anxiety.
What to Say Instead:
"You know yourself best."
This statement empowers them to make decisions about their well-being, recognizing their self-awareness and reinforcing their sense of agency.
Offering support to someone with anxiety without overstepping boundaries
Supporting someone with anxiety goes beyond knowing what not to say to someone with anxiety. Truly supporting someone with anxiety requires a delicate balance between being there for them and respecting their boundaries. It’s important to offer help in a way that is empowering rather than controlling. Here are some additional tips to keep in mind:
- Avoid Offering Unsolicited Advice: While it may be tempting to suggest solutions like yoga or meditation, unsolicited advice can come across as dismissive. Instead, ask if there’s anything that helps them when they’re feeling anxious.
- Be Mindful of Timing: If you need to postpone a conversation, even if it is an awkward conversation, do so in a way that doesn’t feel dismissive. Let them know the conversation is important to you, and suggest finding another time to discuss it when you can give it your full attention.
- Respect Their Need for Space: Sometimes, the best way to support someone with anxiety is by giving them the space they need. Let them know you’re there for them, but also respect their wishes if they prefer to be alone.
Building a supportive environment for someone with anxiety
Understanding what not to say to someone with anxiety is a significant step in becoming a better friend, partner, or family member. By choosing your words carefully and approaching conversations with empathy and understanding, you can make a positive impact on their journey. Remember, your role is not to fix their anxiety but to provide support, validation, and a listening ear. And remember, uncomfortable conversations create healthy relationships.
If someone in your life is struggling with anxiety, encourage them to seek professional help if they haven’t already. Therapy and medication can be life-changing for many, and your encouragement can make a big difference. Above all, be patient and kind—not only with them but also with yourself as you navigate this journey together.
By fostering an environment of empathy, understanding, and respect, you can help create a world where people with anxiety feel supported and empowered, rather than misunderstood and dismissed.
Disclaimer: The information provided in this article, What not to say to someone with anxiety, is intended for general understanding and support. It is not a substitute for professional mental health advice, diagnosis, or treatment. If you or someone you know is struggling with anxiety, it is important to seek help from a licensed mental health professional. Anxiety is a complex condition that often requires professional care to manage effectively.
Useful Resources for Anxiety Support:
National Alliance on Mental Illness (NAMI): Offers support, education, and resources for individuals with mental health conditions. Visit nami.org or call the NAMI Helpline at 1-800-950-NAMI (6264).
Anxiety and Depression Association of America (ADAA): Provides information on anxiety disorders, treatment options, and support groups. Visit adaa.org for more information.
Mental Health America (MHA): Offers mental health screenings, resources, and tools for managing anxiety. Visit mhanational.org .
Crisis Text Line: If you need immediate help, text "HELLO" to 741741 to connect with a trained crisis counselor.
Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration (SAMHSA): Provides a 24/7 helpline for those seeking mental health services. Call 1-800-662-HELP (4357) or visit samhsa.gov .
Remember, reaching out for help is a sign of strength, and there are many resources available to support you on your journey.
