What to Do If a Friend Is Feeling Suicidal
First published on September 9, 2019. Substantively updated and edited on February 19, 2025.
I say this both as a survivor of suicide and someone who has supported others through suicidal episodes: helping a friend in crisis is a complex and emotionally taxing experience.
When a friend confides in you about their suicidal thoughts, it can be overwhelming to know what to say. Unfortunately, many common responses to suicide are influenced by harmful myths and misconceptions.
Even those with the best intentions may unintentionally say things that make a suicidal person feel worse instead of better. To truly support a friend feeling suicidal, we need to understand what to say—and what to avoid.
What to Do If a Friend Is Feeling Suicidal – Learn expert-backed steps from mental health organizations like the Mayo Clinic and NIMH on how to support a friend experiencing suicidal thoughts with compassion and practical help.
What Not to Say to a Friend Feeling Suicidal – Avoid common but harmful phrases that can worsen feelings of isolation, and instead use supportive, non-judgmental language to encourage open conversation.
How to Help a Suicidal Friend Seek Professional Support – Guide them towards therapy, crisis hotlines, and mental health resources while reinforcing that they are not alone and that help is available.
Table of contents
What to Do If a Friend Is Feeling Suicidal: Practical Steps to Support Them
Rather than trying to convince someone not to die, focus on helping them find a way to cope with their pain in a healthy way. Experts, including the Mayo Clinic, the National Institute of Mental Health (NIMH), and Samaritans, recommend a few key strategies for supporting someone in crisis:
Reassure them that they’re not alone. If they trusted you enough to share their feelings, acknowledge that and let them know you’re there for them.
Provide a temporary distraction. While discussing their pain is important, sometimes an immediate distraction like playing a game, crafting, or reading can help them calm down.
Encourage conversation when they’re ready. Ask if they want to talk about what’s causing their distress, but don’t pressure them.
Help them find resources. Offer to help them connect with a therapist, crisis hotline, or supportive group. Connecting the person with the 988 Suicide & Crisis Lifeline (call or text 988 ) and other community resources can give them a safety net when they need it.
Make future plans together. Give them something to look forward to, whether it’s a coffee date, a hike, or a movie night.
Take care of yourself, too. Supporting someone in crisis can be emotionally exhausting. Make sure you have support and set boundaries when needed.
Things You Should Never Say to a Friend Feeling Suicidal
1. “Suicide is a coward’s way out.”
This is a common but deeply harmful sentiment. Some people think shaming someone out of suicide will prevent them from acting on their thoughts. However, this often backfires, making a person feel even more hopeless and misunderstood.
I once confided in someone about my suicidal thoughts, and they responded by telling me that suicide was "uncharacteristic" of me. They said I was a brave person, and suicide, being a “cowardly act,” wasn’t something I would or should do.
Their comment didn’t make me feel brave—it only made me feel weak. Instead of discouraging suicide, this kind of rhetoric creates more shame and isolation, preventing people from seeking help.
2. “You’re just being manipulative.”
While there are rare cases where suicide threats are used manipulatively, the overwhelming majority of suicidal individuals are experiencing deep emotional wounds, not trying to manipulate others.
When I was in high school, a teacher told my class that people who self-harm or express suicidal thoughts were just seeking attention. That message stuck with me for years and discouraged me from reaching out for help.
Telling someone they are manipulative or attention-seeking invalidates their pain and discourages them from speaking up again. Instead of assuming bad intentions, offer support and understanding.
3. “What about the people you’ll leave behind?”
Guilt-tripping a friend feeling suicidal is not the way to help them. People in emotional distress are already overwhelmed with pain, and adding guilt to the mix often makes things worse.
Saying things like:
“Your family will be heartbroken!”
“How could you do this to your children?”
“Don’t you care about the people who love you?”
...may come from a place of concern, but they aren’t helpful. Many suicidal individuals either already know their death would impact others or genuinely believe no one would care. Instead of guilt-tripping, try saying:
“I care about you deeply, and you would be missed.”
“There are people who want to support you, even if it doesn’t feel like it right now.”
“Let’s spend some time together soon.”
4. “You should just be positive!”
Well-intended but useless, telling someone to "just be positive" dismisses their pain. If it were that simple, they wouldn’t be struggling in the first place.
Instead of pushing toxic positivity, you can help by reminding them of moments they have felt happiness or support in the past. One of the most effective forms of support I ever received was from a friend who reminisced about a vacation we took together. She reminded me of joyful moments without dismissing my current pain.
Rather than saying “be positive,” try recalling a happy memory or something meaningful they’ve experienced to show them that their pain, while real, isn’t the only thing they have ever felt.
Knowing what to do if a friend is feeling suicidal can be incredibly difficult. But by listening without judgment, avoiding harmful phrases, and helping them find professional support, you can be a lifeline in their darkest moments.
Sometimes, all it takes is one meaningful conversation to make a difference. Can a Conversation Change Your Life ? The answer is yes—compassionate dialogue can be the first step toward hope and healing.
If you or someone you know is in crisis, please reach out to a crisis hotline or mental health professional. You are not alone, and help is available.
The National Suicide Prevention Lifeline, reached by dialing 1-800-273-8255, was relaunched in July 2022 as the 988 Suicide & Crisis Lifeline, which is reached by dialing the easy-to-remember phone number, 988.
