How to explain complex PTSD to someone who doesn’t have it?
"Living with Complex PTSD can feel isolating, but understanding it is the first step toward healing. This image represents the emotional weight of C-PTSD and the journey to self-awareness." [Image by OpenArt AI with URevolution]
First published on May 26, 2018. Substantively updated and edited on February 27, 2025.
I turn to face him in bed as he asks, “So… why do you worry so much?”
I sigh. “That’s kind of a loaded question.”
We had talked about insecurities before, self-esteem, childhood struggles—but never the big stuff.
“I have PTSD. Well, C-PTSD.” I explain. “It’s like PTSD, but it’s not from one big thing. It’s from a lot of things. It builds up over time.”
His expression changes. “Fucking hell, so what’s that from, then?”
I hesitate, but I tell him. “My mom was an alcoholic. Things got bad. She was abusive—not physically, but verbally and emotionally. It messed me up. I can get thrown back to that time really easily.”
I barely finish my sentence before he scoffs. “Don’t you think that’s a bit extreme? I work with a woman who has PTSD, but she was an aid worker—she helped orphans, kids who had acid thrown on them. You haven’t been through anything like that, right? Your PTSD is bullshit.”
He smirks. I wish I had called him on it. I wish I had said, “Oh, sorry, is my trauma not big enough for you?” Instead, I just muttered, “Look, just trust me, I’m fucked up,” and kissed him.
And then I dated him. Well, I guess I really am kind of fucked up.
This is How to Explain Complex PTSD to Someone Who Doesn't Have It
This article explains how to explain complex PTSD to someone who doesn’t have it based on personal experience and years of reading and going to therapy. My PTSD is not from war. It came from a much closer darker place: my childhood.
Complex PTSD (C-PTSD) develops from prolonged trauma , affecting emotions, self-worth, and relationships.
Unlike PTSD, which stems from a single event, C-PTSD results from repeated trauma and causes deep-rooted emotional instability.
Using simple definitions and analogies —like comparing it to a smoke alarm that never turns off—helps others understand C-PTSD.
Support, patience, and validation are key, while dismissive comments like “Just move on” can be harmful.
With therapy and a strong support system, C-PTSD symptoms can improve , but understanding is the first step to healing.
Quick Guide: Understanding & Explaining Complex PTSD
A Personal Perspective on PTSD
My PTSD is not from war. It came from a much closer, darker personal place. The scars are invisible, yet the pain is real. Trying to explain Complex PTSD (C-PTSD) to someone who hasn’t experienced it can feel impossible. But over time, I’ve found ways to help others understand without overwhelming them—starting with a simple question: What does an emotional wound look like?
What is Complex PTSD?
Unlike PTSD, which is often triggered by a single traumatic event, Complex PTSD—what many emotional wounds actually look like—develops from prolonged, repeated trauma such as childhood abuse, neglect, or domestic violence. Its impact runs deep, affecting the nervous system, emotional regulation, self-perception, and the ability to form healthy relationships.
Scientific Definition
The World Health Organization (WHO) classifies C-PTSD as a distinct diagnosis from PTSD, emphasizing symptoms like:
Emotional dysregulation (intense mood swings, chronic anxiety or depression)
Negative self-perception (feeling broken, ashamed, or unworthy)
Difficulty with relationships (trouble trusting others or feeling emotionally close)
| Feature | PTSD | Complex PTSD |
|---|---|---|
| Cause | Single traumatic event | Prolonged, repeated trauma |
| Symptoms | Flashbacks, hypervigilance | Emotional instability, difficulty with relationships |
| Impact | Often event-specific | Deep-rooted, affecting self-worth and daily life |
Can Child Abuse Cause Complex PTSD
The short answer is yes, child abuse can cause complex PTSD. While it’s not always easy to pinpoint exactly why some people develop C-PTSD and others don’t, research has shown that repeated traumatic events as children — like abuse or neglect — can have lasting effects on us as we become adults.
For me, it wasn’t just one event—it was a pattern of emotional and verbal abuse that shaped my reality. My mother’s alcoholism slowly unraveled our family , leaving wounds that never fully healed.
It was being jolted awake at 3 AM by screaming the night before an important high school exam.
It was finding hidden bottles in shoeboxes, wardrobes, behind desks, and under beds —evidence of a life spiraling out of control.
It was accusations that shattered my self-worth —being called a slut, a liar, a lazy, ungrateful, selfish c**t.
The Lingering Effects
Sometimes, I remember so little of it that I question if it even happened —if I’m somehow exaggerating my own trauma. Other times, intrusive thoughts take hold , dragging me into memories I’d rather forget, triggering an unwanted response I can’t control: plagued by an unwanted groinal response triggered by sexual intrusive thoughts about my dad.
C-PTSD isn’t just about the past—it’s about how the past refuses to stay buried.
Why is C-PTSD caused by childhood abuse so difficult to accept?
And it is because of the fact that the past refuses to stay buried, it so hard for me to handle someone questioning my trauma, the gravity of it — because I already do that myself. Swirling around in my head all day is the thought ‘Did I overreact? Am I just a drama queen? A snowflake? Did it even happen at all?’
One of the chief symptoms of PTSD caused by childhood abuse is this kind of self-doubt.
I have had so many f--king conversations with myself, and with other people, trying to justify my condition — trying to show that I deserve to be the way I am now.
A worrier. A 22-year-old who can’t do nightclubs without panic attacks. A girl who, when she hears a loud drunk, shuts down and starts to cry. Who self-harms. Who stays up wondering ‘If my mum dies, will it be my fault? Was all of it my fault?’ Who can’t listen to songs from her childhood, or watch Disney movies without throwing up?
A great anxious mess of a girl.
PTSD usually comes from a feeling of helplessness, and its symptoms can take you back in time. Anyone stuck in a frightening situation they can’t easily escape from can develop it. It’s not about the gravity of the situation. It’s about the fear, the stuck-ness, the inability to extricate yourself, the inability to make things better.
When it comes to complex PTSD our bodies can’t tell the difference between traumas — fear is fear is fear — whether you’re under fire or ‘merely’ being shouted at, your body processes it as a danger to your life with no clear way out. And that can seriously mess a person up.
With PTSD "fear is fear is fear"
And still, I find myself struggling with how to explain PTSD to someone who doesn’t have it. I keep having these conversations every time I mention my PTSD. Recently, a doctor, who I was seeing for my knee sprain saw my file and laughingly said:
‘PTSD, huh, what’s that all about then? Didn’t get it from twisting your knee I hope!’
I tried to explaining my PTSD, and he laughed some more, gave me a quizzical look. And then he didn’t say anything. I walked out of the appointment teary-eyed and feeling stupid. I know I’m privileged, I know I’m lucky in many ways, I know I haven’t been to war or seen anybody die.
Sometimes I really feel like I don’t ‘deserve’ this PTSD diagnosis. When I start thinking like that, I try to look back and trust myself, despite my mis-rememberings, and despite what people might say to me now.
I try to look towards my 16-year-old self — my dad tells me that she cried more than usual one night, that she told him she needed to get out, that he needed to get her out, and that they left for good reason.
Tips for Explaining C-PTSD to Someone
Over the years, I’ve had to learn—mostly through trial and error—how to explain C-PTSD in a way that people actually understand. Here are some of the best approaches that have helped me.
🎥 Watch this first: In this personal interview, Lucy shares what a PTSD critical incident looks like.
1. Use a Simple Definition
As simple as it sounds, I find using a simple explanation in plain English often works the best: "C-PTSD is like having a smoke alarm that never turns off. Even when there's no real danger, my brain keeps reacting as if there is."
2. Analogies Help People Relate to PTSD
“Imagine waking up every day feeling like you’re about to take a big test you didn’t study for—that’s how C-PTSD can feel.”
“It’s like a computer with too many tabs open—always running, never shutting down.”
3. Explain How It Affects Daily Life
C-PTSD impacts more than just emotions—it affects memory, concentration, relationships, and physical health .
Memory issues : "I forget things easily because my brain is constantly managing stress."
Hypervigilance : "I get startled easily, even by small noises."
Trust challenges : "It’s hard for me to trust people because my past taught me that relationships aren’t safe."
4. What Helps (and What Doesn’t)
💡 What Helps: ✅ Listening without judgment ✅ Being patient when I withdraw ✅ Encouraging me, rather than pressuring me
🚫 What Doesn’t Help: ❌ Saying “Just move on” or “It wasn’t that bad”. ❌ Minimizing my experience ❌ Comparing my trauma to someone else’s
Recent Research on Complex PTSD
Staying informed about the latest research on Complex PTSD (C-PTSD) helps deepen our understanding of the condition and its treatment. Recent studies have provided valuable insights:
Prevalence and Recognition: A study by the National Center for PTSD estimates that approximately 4% of U.S. adults experience C-PTSD, emphasizing its significance alongside PTSD. ( US Department of Veteran Affairs )
Treatment Approaches: 2022 research published in the European Journal of Psychotraumatology suggests that trauma-focused psychotherapies , such as Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing (EMDR) and trauma-focused Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (TF-CBT) , are effective in alleviating C-PTSD symptoms. ( PubMed )
Innovative Interventions: A pioneering intervention specifically designed for ex-service personnel with C-PTSD has shown promising early results, as reported in 2014 by Forces in Mind Trust.
Neurobiological Findings: Neuroimaging studies indicate that individuals with C-PTSD may exhibit more severe brain changes compared to those with PTSD, particularly in the amygdala, hippocampus, and prefrontal cortex —areas involved in emotional regulation and memory. ( Cleveland Clinic )
These findings highlight the need for tailored therapeutic approaches and continued research to improve treatment outcomes for those with C-PTSD.
My Final Thoughts on Complex PTSD
Explaining Complex PTSD to someone who hasn’t experienced it can be challenging, but using personal stories, simple language, and real-life analogies makes it easier. When someone says “just get over it”—what they’re really saying is that your suffering makes them uncomfortable, not that it isn’t real. And for those who frame suffering as a test of faith, it’s important to remember that pain isn’t a punishment or a lesson you’re failing to learn. If you have C-PTSD, your experience is valid, and you deserve understanding, compassion, and support.
📝 What has helped you explain C-PTSD to others? Share your thoughts in the comments!
Common Questions About C-PTSD
Q: Is C-PTSD the same as PTSD?
No. While both involve trauma responses, C-PTSD stems from repeated, long-term trauma , affecting identity, emotions, and relationships more profoundly.
Q: Can someone recover from C-PTSD?
Yes, with therapy, self-care, and a strong support system, many people improve over time.
Q: What should I avoid saying to someone with C-PTSD?
A: Avoid phrases like "Just get over it" or "Everyone has trauma." Instead, offer support and understanding.
Q. What is the World health Organization definition of PTSD?
PTSD is a mental health condition triggered by experiencing or witnessing trauma, such as violence, accidents, natural disasters, or combat. It can affect mental, emotional, and physical well-being, causing distressing flashbacks, nightmares, and avoidance of reminders. PTSD often coexists with anxiety, depression, and substance use disorders.[WHO]
Q. What is the DSM-5 PTSD Criteria (Summarized)
- PTSD is triggered by direct or indirect exposure to trauma , including serious injury, violence, or repeated exposure to distressing details (e.g., first responders).
- Symptoms include intrusive memories, flashbacks, nightmares, and intense distress when reminded of the trauma.
- Individuals may avoid trauma-related thoughts, emotions, or external reminders , leading to emotional numbness and detachment.
- PTSD alters mood and cognition , causing negative beliefs, guilt, shame, and an inability to feel positive emotions.
- Heightened arousal and reactivity manifest as irritability, hypervigilance, sleep disturbances, or reckless behavior.
- Symptoms must persist for more than a month and cause significant distress or impairment.
- Subtypes include dissociation (depersonalization or derealization) and delayed onset , where symptoms emerge six months or more after the trauma. ( PubMed )
Q. What happens when CPTSD is triggered?
People with complex PTSD may struggle with intense emotions such as fear, shame, guilt, anger, and deep sadness, often accompanied by low self-worth . These feelings can be triggered by specific situations or arise unexpectedly, making them challenging to navigate.
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