How to Cope with Unsupportive Family During Cancer

When you’re trying to build a reliable support system during cancer, avoid turning to acquaintances or social media for validation. Unfortunately, the outside world—and sometimes even your local community—contains people who feed off drama, spread harmful gossip, and view your illness as a spectacle rather than a struggle. Over time, I’ve learned to ignore these people. In truth, I’ve come to pity them. Their reactions remind me of what people with invisible disability and social anxiety often face—dismissal, mockery, and assumptions that you should "just get over it."

It’s also essential to acknowledge the financial and emotional toll of cancer. When I finally submitted my overdue tax returns, the extent of my losses stunned me. The economic fallout was worse than I had anticipated. Pride won’t pay your rent or keep the electricity on. During these moments, accepting help is not a weakness—it’s a necessity. Your family will need this support too, especially if they’re reeling from the emotional impact or struggling to understand why friends abandon you when you’re sick.

One of the hardest things for me was learning to say the word “cancer” without breaking down. I couldn't even say it for the first week. But learning to speak it aloud is powerful. It prepares you for conversations with your healthcare team, employer, and spouse. Even if you’d prefer to keep your diagnosis private, practicality will eventually require openness. The more you confront it, the more control you regain. Even when it's painful, speaking your truth can empower you to face each day with renewed resilience.

Embrace your cancer diagnosis with courage, and don’t let it intimidate you into silence or surrender. Cancer is no longer the inevitable death sentence it once was. Today, you and your medical team can explore a wide range of evidence-based treatment options before even considering defeat. Trust your doctors. Follow their guidance closely and resist the temptation to replace their advice with unverified claims about miracle diets or supplements you find online. Be open and transparent with your medical team—your honesty helps them help you.

Cancer will, without question, change you. It becomes part of your story. But it does not have to define who you are or dictate the rest of your life. Many people—myself included—have struggled with how to start living for yourself again after diagnosis. And while you may move more slowly or need to pause along the way, don’t let cancer take away your passions or purpose. Reclaim them, one step at a time.

You may also notice that other health issues surface or intensify. In my case, I faced the possibility of going blind—something I never anticipated. On top of that, my weight made my fight even harder. But about a month ago, something clicked. I realized I couldn’t keep waiting for others to understand, or for people to stop telling me to “ just get over it .” I had to take charge. I began exercising, eating better, and slowly regaining control of my body and my mindset. And with every improvement, I felt more empowered to keep fighting.

For some, this journey can also feel like suffering as a test of faith —a spiritual challenge layered atop a physical one. Whether that resonates with you or not, know this: living through cancer isn’t just about survival. It’s about renewal. And you are allowed to start over on your own terms.

While it’s natural to care about how others feel during your cancer journey, it’s equally vital to prioritize your own well-being. Tune into your body and what it needs. If rest calls you—listen. Take a day, or even a few, to recover physically and emotionally. Make sleep a priority, nourish yourself with real food, and make space for joy, no matter how small. Whether it’s journaling, gentle stretching, or watching a favorite film, give yourself permission to be human. You don’t need to constantly perform strength. Vulnerability is not weakness—it’s part of the healing process. It’s okay to cry. It’s okay to feel afraid. Let those emotions move through you, then use them as fuel to keep going.

Never forget that self-care during cancer is not selfish—it’s survival. You can’t pour from an empty cup, and you shouldn’t be expected to. Protecting your mental health and emotional reserves is as critical as attending medical appointments. Make time for what soothes your soul: a familiar playlist, a book that transports you, or a quiet creative outlet. These simple acts can boost your resilience, shift your perspective, and offer the strength you need to face each day with courage, even in moments of uncertainty.

Dealing with unsupportive friends and family can intensify feelings of isolation and despair. It's crucial to remind yourself that your feelings are valid. Be patient with yourself and understand that your emotional landscape will be a rollercoaster during this journey. 

Document your thoughts and feelings in a journal. Jotting down your experiences can be therapeutic and can help in processing your emotions. Being able to express yourself openly can provide relief from the internal turmoil that may be brewing due to unsupportive friends and family. 

Furthermore, practice self-compassion. Forgive yourself for moments of weakness and applaud yourself for each small victory. Remember, your fight against cancer is your journey. You define your path and your progress. Never discredit your strength based on the unsupportive actions of others. 

At the end of the day, the fight against cancer is a personal journey. Navigating the challenges can be overwhelming but remember that you are stronger than you think. Surround yourself with a positive support network, take care of your well-being, practice self-compassion, and let your courageous spirit lead the way.

For those who do not have cancer, please understand that individuals with cancer generally do not fit the stereotypical image of a bald, terminally ill patient perpetually hooked up to an IV. At Roswell, the cancer center I frequent, most patients look healthy like anyone else. Only when the fight reaches its most challenging stages can someone resemble the typical portrayal of a cancer patient.

Therefore, refrain from attempting to reassure yourself by insinuating that a person with cancer is merely pretending due to their outward appearance. Countless cancer patients have shared stories of families disbelieving their illness and even abandoning them during this critical time. Cancer cannot be fought alone. Suppose you judge someone based on appearances rather than standing by their side and fighting alongside them. In that case, it reveals a regrettable lack of empathy.

Since December 27, 2015, I have witnessed and experienced a great deal. I have undergone profound transformations and encountered both the callousness and the compassion that people are capable of. While I remain committed to winning my personal battle, I aspire to assist others in their journeys. Never allow anyone to instill guilt within you for having cancer, as it is an all-too-common occurrence. Confide in your doctor if you reach out to family and friends and find yourself devoid of support. At Roswell, an exceptional program exists to provide cancer patients with the emotional support they need.

Lastly, it's vital to educate yourself about cancer to best support your friend or family member. By understanding what they're dealing with, you can communicate more effectively and be more conscious of their needs. 

• Learn about their specific type of cancer. Each form has different symptoms, treatments, and side effects. The more you know, the better you can comprehend what they're experiencing.
• Understand the treatment process. Be aware of the rigorous regimen they're going through, from tests and surgical procedures to the medications and their side effects.
• Join support groups. Speaking with others in similar situations can lend insight into what your loved one might experience and provide tools to navigate those challenges. 

Always keep in mind: your friend or family member is the same person they were before their diagnosis. They are not defined by their cancer. They need your love, support, and understanding more than ever during this challenging life transition. Let's stand by them, helping wherever we can. After all, that's what true friends and families do.

If you’re wondering how to support someone with cancer in the family, know that it doesn’t take grand gestures to make a difference. The most powerful thing you can offer is your presence. Just showing up—listening without judgment, helping with everyday tasks, or simply sitting beside them at appointments—can ease the emotional and physical toll they’re carrying. These small but meaningful acts of care often matter more than words.

For those who are facing cancer themselves, remember this: you should never have to carry the weight of your diagnosis while dealing with an unsupportive family. The emotional fallout of an unsupportive family during cancer can be just as exhausting as the illness itself. But don’t let their absence define your journey. You are resilient and have every right to seek a support system that uplifts you.

Even when it feels like no one understands, you are not alone. Whether it’s a support group, a therapist, or a single person who truly gets it, you deserve support. Keep showing up for yourself. Keep fighting. Because your life, your healing, and your peace of mind are worth protecting.

Dealing with unsupportive friends and family during cancer was initially published by URevolution in 2018. It was updated and republished on 21 June 2023.